we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
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FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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