I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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