Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
