Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
