She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
