Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
