He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
