your room smells of hookers.
And success
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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