Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
