I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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