I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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