Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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