just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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