You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
