Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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