I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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