my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
