I feel great
I just peed on a car
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
