Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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