i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
