I puked a lego.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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