the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
