And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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