The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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