She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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