you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
