ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
