her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
