I'm eating all of the evidence.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
