i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
