i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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