yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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