i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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