I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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