i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
