Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
