I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
