I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
