I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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