First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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