He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
