Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
