It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
