If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
