ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
