i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
