What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
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It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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