the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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