I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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