Where is the hickey?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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