her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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