so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
