a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
