she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
