tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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