i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sober January is a disaster.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
