If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
