So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
