I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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