I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
