Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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