I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
