Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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