so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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