If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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