if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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